The Heat, omg the Heat

My brain has liquified, leaked down my spine, and is pooling in my thighs; otherwise I’d have something witty and compelling to say. It has been 95 degrees here and I am pouring sweat and my head is compacted with the humidity and loud children.

Sure they were in camp all day, but at least they got to play water ball and cool off. I was in front of this computer, learning how to write a book proposal and getting tag-teamed by my mom and Mr. X. They don’t even know they are doing it, but both have been peppering me with wake-up calls and gentle, prodding suggestions on how to get control of my life. I feel like getting Mr. X to call Mom and back me up when I say that I have cleaned up all the laundry and other clutter in the house just so she’ll believe me.

I have to stop writing about the ants or she’ll send CPS out. I just cannot believe the battle. The intensive spraying and destruction of the colonies has driven them indoors and onto anything they can scavenge. Today I found them eating a dead beetle that flew in last night. So it doesn’t even matter if my floors are clean; now I have to worry about what’s getting in the doors my kids are always leaving open.

It’s just now beginning to cool down, and I’d go sprawl in the grass if it weren’t for the knowledge of the yard having been sprayed this week, and the small matter of my grass allergy. I know I’ve always said that I don’t have allergies, but if I lay down in the grass for a while, I get up with itchy, red limbs. The cut grass? Me no likey.

If I don’t get caught up in household repair stuff tomorrow morning, I’ll head up to SF for a night or two while the kids are with their dad and uncle, who is visiting from Colorado. I invited them all to dinner tonight, but they are having a guys night out since they’ll have the kids all weekend. It feels strange not to be going out too. I’m no longer one of the guys, which is kind of sad.

Can someone please explain something to me? (Mr. X, you will roll your eyes so hard you might fall over, so sit down, please.) Why is it that men who don’t express an interest in me beyond fun dates with no strings attached or phone buddies or whatever, still keep in touch?

There is one friend I dated a bit last year who doesn’t want kids or marriage, yet loves to go out to dinner and concerts and get wild. We’ve agreed that we don’t want the same things, so we just check in on one another periodically to see what the happiness level is. We’re genuinely interested in one another’s well being, but know that there will be nothing beyond platonic interaction because of the choices we’ve made.

Another friend decided at the outset that he didn’t want to date me, but we’ve kept in touch and have a very close friendship. Now that we’ve become comfortable with each other over the past year, he’s into going off and doing things together, but it’s a little late now that Mr. X is in my life. Which is really too bad, since it was something I suggested last year when we were both so sick of the opposite sex that we might have had a great time actually doing things on the road.

Yet another friend is someone I met online through a matchmaking service (have I mentioned that that is how I met Mr. X? I totally recommend They run a crack operation and really try to match people well.). In our first email exchange we simultaneously declared ourselves off the market and totally averse to the dating scene. which was really funny. I said I’d never interview him as a suitor or make a pass if he’d promise the same and that way we could go to dinner and movies and not have to say, “Just one” all the time. We’ve still never met, but enjoy talking. He had a hot date the other night so I’m itching to hear how it went. He is very happy for me and impressed that I found someone who fits me so well. It renewed his interest in looking for someone himself. (Have I mentioned that he is also a chef? Do I have a type or what?)

I have explained over and over that these are strictly platonic friendships. but there is an understandable tension surrounding them. At least I am open about it and talk about them from time to time to show that I am comfortable with Mr. X knowing when and with whom I’m in contact. I’ve always had more guy friends than girlfriends; I don’t know what else to say except it’s where I seem to be most comfortable. I’ve always been one of the guys. Unfortunately, they don’t always like me having all the others around at the same time. Mr. X, though, is understanding and sweet and has nothing to worry about.

0 Responses to The Heat, omg the Heat

  1. Ozarkyn July 14, 2005 at 5:59 pm #

    Not to worry, my dear! I’m fairly certain that at least one of those guys won’t bother you again!

  2. zeno July 14, 2005 at 10:46 pm #

    Why is it that men who don’t express an interest in me beyond fun dates with no strings attached or phone buddies or whatever, still keep in touch?

    Um… isn’t that what friends do? Friends aren’t capricious or fickle, friends stick in there, friends care and friends don’t give up. Friends ignore their old friends because they have new ones.

  3. zeno July 14, 2005 at 10:47 pm #

    “don’t”i gnore their old friends, I mean!!

  4. Imperfect Mommy July 15, 2005 at 1:58 am #

    I can identify with the one of the guys thing… I have dated my husband since early in high school, so we were always doing things with his friends and I feel so much more comfortable being myself around the guys.  I am now better friends with is high school friends than I am with my own.  Having children has made me identify with other women a lot more, though!

  5. nikol July 15, 2005 at 2:55 am #

    I think all women can get along easier with men. They expect less of you and provide more compliments. :)

    But women friends are twice as important for your well being. Trust me. They are worth the work in the end.

    Remember. We live longer. At the end it will just be us girls hangin’ out. So it helps to have those long pasts together to reflect on.

  6. The Sean Connery July 15, 2005 at 8:12 am #

    ..and you women say that men aren’t complicated.
    [insert big James Earl Jones belly laugh here]

    beer me.

  7. jilbur July 15, 2005 at 12:29 pm #

    This post was so rife with non sequiturs, internal self-contradictions and what appear to me to be half-truths that I don’t have the slightest idea what it was supposed to actually convey. If you are not fond of ‘shit storms’, as you term unwelcome honest emotional responses, then you might try a little reflection and self-study before hitting ‘publish.’

  8. Kal July 15, 2005 at 12:44 pm #

    Yeah Mindy, how *DARE* you post poorly structured material on your own blog?


  9. jilbur July 15, 2005 at 12:59 pm #

    I hope you’re not being deliberately obtuse, Kal. It’s not about whether the writing is ‘poorly structured,’ it’s about whether one can expect people to react to something that comes off as almost negligently thoughtless.

    but please, anyone who likes, disembowel me.

  10. mindy July 16, 2005 at 8:26 am #

    This was in no way a negative thought process. I often write in a stream of consciousness.

    I am grateful for the friendships I have that continue to sow into my life despite the changing nature of the friendship. The friendships I described are unlikely ones, considering they began with one intent and have persevered beyond that. I am grateful to be considered a friend beyond the prospect of girlfriend.

    At any rate, I remember your stay with us fondly and regret anything that has caused you to travel so far from that lovely week in our home.

  11. rose July 16, 2005 at 4:11 pm #

    yikes! Why on earth would your rambles and reflections, however “negligently thoughtless” piss someone off so thoroughly?

  12. Gail July 16, 2005 at 7:28 pm #

    I agree with Nikol.  I think every woman needs good women friends.  I hope that you have a few that you can count on and I hope one or two of them are close by.  I don’t know what I would have done with out mine.

    I also think sometimes people come into our lives for a short time when we need them or they need us and then the friendship moves on.  Not that anyone ended it but it’s purpose has been fulfilled.

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