My child's first brush with the law. Already.

My twelve-year old threw his sister’s lunch away. Not out of maliciousness, but because he thought the take-out egg rolls we’d had the night before looked funny.

“They’ve been in the fridge like twelve hours! How could they be bad?”

“They were changing color.”

“It’s CHINESE FOOD. It’s fine. Next time, check with me. Nine times out of ten, food kept in the fridge overnight is not going to spoil.”

Never mind the freezer in the garage.  Someone left that open and we lost about $500 worth of food and I spent an hour with a hairdryer and a bucket, collecting runoff and ice floes so they didn’t end up all over the floor. Our greatest triumph was freeing the Burrito Archipelago from the Melted Snowman Ice Shelf. But I digress.

“I’m sorry, it just looked wrong.” He looked miserable. Five minutes later, he was gone.

“Where’s your brother?”

Daphne shrugged. Dylan looked up from his game. “He left. On his bike.” Fabulous.

Some time later he slouched past me with a plastic food bag and I thought, oh great, now he’s gone and gotten himself lunch! I followed him into the kitchen because I couldn’t believe he would actually do that. And if he did, he was going to share with his sister.

“What’s in the bag?”

“I got Daphne some more egg rolls. Sorry the sauce leaked a little.”

“What? You went and got…” I looked at the bag. “Take-out? You rode your BIKE all the way to get take-out?” It’s about a mile and a half away.

“Yeah. I felt really bad. And I paid for it myself.” I grabbed him in a hug and told him I loved him so much for what he did. Daphne was bugeyedfor aout 1.3 seconds before pouncing on the bag. “Oh, and something happened that scared the crap out of me. I got pulled over.”

“On your BIKE?”



“The cop got out of his car, all serious, and said, ‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’ He wrote down my full name and filled out this ticket. And then he handed it to me, smiled, and said, ‘I just want to thank you for following the law and wearing your helmet.’ He was so serious, I got all shaky.”

I looked at the citation. It was a commendation for following the law, and the bottom portion was a coupon for a free burger and fries at McDonald’s.

“THAT’S going on the fridge, young man. Congratulations on your first bust. Your uncles will be so proud.”


  1. It looks like you must have done something right when you were raising your son, or you instilled just enough guilt :)  I never heard of a policeman actually giving positive reinforcements, not to mention a free hamburger and fries out of the deal!!!
    On a side note, I just started reading your blog and love it!  I love your graphics, your writing style and how you have marketed yourself.  I hope to be 1/10th the blogger you are someday :)

  2. Ok.  I admit it.  I was the cop.  In drag.  Man drag.  I want my burger back.  How am I going to keep my jog when you’re raising Good Samaritans?  Knock it off.  Get on crack and disappear for a few years.  My job security’s at stake.

    • It would certainly improve my writing. 

      @Heli Major life disasters are what propelled me to this height. The key is to never straighten out your life and you’ll always have readers. We have to suffer for our art!

  3. Now that sounds a little more believable than a policeman that rewards good behavior!  I’m learning how you have become so successful, you bully us newbies into hiding :)

  4. What a great story!  Way to go for your son too.  I love that cops are handing out coupons and noticing the goo, though I would recommend to them to not be all serious and “stereotypical” when doing so.

    Thanks for sharing.

  5. Congratulations on raising so a wonderful boy. Good job staying on the right side of the law!

  6. My brother never would have done something like that for me! You have definitely raised a very nice young man! So sweet of him to do that. :) What a nice story to share with us.

  7. It only shown that the parent are good example… good job!

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