We got Burger King for everyone tonight (it was just easier, OK?), and when Daphne opened her Whopper she said, “Mom, I got two patties! Why are there two instead of one?” I said, “I guess it’s your lucky day.” Ten minutes later, she announced that she had five theories as to why she received […]
I swear, I don’t even have to speak to family members to get faced. I can hear them all using the same tone and inflection. For example, I sent Mom to the person who cuts my hair, and she’s had two appointments canceled on her already. She’s fed up and going to another place. I felt […]
Me: it’s nine o’clock. We should get up. I think the kids are all up. Guy: They are. Someone pounded on the door a couple times. Me: What? I slept right through that. What did they need? Guy: I dunno. Me: Well, who was it? Guy: I dunno. Me: Are you kidding me? Guy: It […]
“I may be over-thinking this, but it never seemed this complicated with a glass of Jack Daniels.” —My Southern fiancé, standing buck naked in front of a mirror, trying to perfect a bow tie.
Just now, I showed Guy the Blue Ball (*cymbals*) jars I decorated with raffia that we’re using for flowers Saturday. He stared in admiration. Guy: “You did that?” Me: “What? Do you think I sit around drinking bon bons?”