Texts from the School Fantasy Faire

cakewalkThese are highlights of the texts I sent to Guy while I endured my ninth annual Fantasy Faire (this year’s theme: A Pirate’s Life for Me!). Ye gods.

  • We finally won a cake at the cake walk! Daphne staked me tickets (rather, she staked me with tickets I bought for her) and we doubled down like mental patients for seven rounds. It cost like ten dollars in the end, but it’s a huge pirate ship so…win!
  • I ran into Dylan’s kindergarten teacher (the one who told me 7 years ago he was the single worst behaved student she’d had in 17 years of teaching) and told her that he won the district writing fair. She didn’t have to look so pleasantly surprised. I’m still mad at her.
  • We are all starving. When their dad asked early in the week if I wanted a dinner at the faire I thought he was preordering tix. Not as such.
  • Dylan just came by and I asked him for two tickets for a soda. He made a show of slapping them onto the picnic table and said “GO.”Then I asked him to watch my stuff while I got it. He sighed and said, “Look. You and I both know I’m not going to watch it so why don’t I just get you one.”Two minutes later he slammed it on the table in front of me and said, “Drink up, woman!”
  • Omg Daphne’s friend’s dad is dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, and he and two other guys put on a show, fencing with real swords. They just took it off the blacktop where the chairs are and chased each other onto the slide and play structure. All the kids ran after them, crowding around and cheering, and all I could think was holy fuck those are real swords and someone is going to have them arrested.
  • Oh hells no, Daphne and her friends just got on this ride where they sit on stuffed, motorized animals and ride—for two laps only—around a tiny race track. I thought it was more of a ripoff until I saw how slow they go. It takes a while. I got a video of Daphne’s on a two foot tall panda, and her friends on a tiger and a bear. I do not have permission yet to post it but if I do you’ll be the first to know.
  • Oh goody, just fifty minutes to go til the end. STARVING.


Just caught Guy on IM between phone calls:

Dad just said Daphne could get her ears pierced. Like I have nothing else to do today or tomorrow. But she’s not going without me. My mom and grandma took me, so goddamnit she is going to have her mother and grandmother there.”

“Nice. So why does it need to be done today?  And without talking to you…our ex’s are out of their minds.”

“At least my child’s not firing weapons on family outings.”


“Have to keep working -we migrated the site but a lot of the images are missing. The guy says it’s because of the temporary dns and it will all be fine when we flip the switch. He also suggested I gaze into soothing crystals. I wonder if I could get that masseuse guy here to tell me to imagine the soft, pink, feathery clouds…”

“Ok, let me know your timing.”

“I’m not going ear piercing today, are you insane? I need more notice.”

“Oh, made me think it was today…yes I am insane.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t a fair question.