Yeah, whatever

You’d think I’d enjoy a morning of hot coffee and fruit smoothies and not telling the kids they’ll freeze in shorts when it’s 36 degrees out and yelling WE’RE LATE and hearing that someone can’t find their ID and refereeing fights over who chews with their mouth open or whose wrapper that is on the floor or listening to three kids call SHOTGUN at the same time and sitting in traffic and racing those last five blocks to get them to school on time so I could drive 15 miles back over the mountain again until it’s time to go back for the pick-up and no one here to tell me my day is not best spent reading under a blanket, even though it’s totally research and helping me shape my book.

You’d be wrong.

It’s too quiet here. And someone left the Halloween candy out. I’d totally be in there with it strapped to my face like a feedbag, except that I got to record a new record low weight on and took photos of the milestone. Plus? Looking back at the “before” photos? What was I waiting for? I haven’t exercised regularly since 1997, when I found myself pregnant for the first time. All these years I thought childbearing and being over forty was responsible for my rounder figure…Now I feel stupid for thinking that lipo would be the only way to have a waist. When I’m done (or at my goal) I’ll post all the photos. You have no idea how long it took to decide whether to write that last sentence.

Boot Camp: Can you get extra credit when no one's watching?

I’m asking because my physicalfix workout froze when Crome crashed four minutes in. FOUR MINUTES. That is a lot in Zitomania. I told him afterward a) because I can’t let that slide, and also b) I didn’t feel so bad giving him the ole salute during Mountain Climbers and Speed Jax because I did extra Thumbs and abs. That’s right, I started all over again!

Picture this going at a blur:

Yeah. I don’t think so.

Boot Camp, Day 6

Dear Josh,

I did it, I know you’re checking!

Oh, could you please explain to Guy why I haven’t been able to bend to shave my legs this week? They look good, I’ll give you that, but they are stubbly.


Boot Camp, Day 5

I’m sick as a dog, and waited until Guy was in bed, but I dropped in my pjs and frickin’ DID IT. Plus 10 on the elliptical. I don’t get it. Why was this so easy tonight, sick and all? I whipped through them. Unbelievable.

Too whipped to type much more than my feedback, and, technically, that’s pasted:

I did it! Taking a long time to type but I did EVERYTHING except the mountain climbers. Bare feet + carpet = thumbs instead. I DID 25 PUSHUPS! That was the first set, I did ten the second, then five on my knees and the rest on my face. Guy as my witness.

By the way, Josh, what’s up with the completely exhaustive yet seemingly sparse list of exercises on the activity log? Milking cows? At different speeds? Unicycling? Ski machine but no elliptical? Archery and auto repair but not sex? Not even married sex? First-three-month-sex? Kids-are-gone-for-the-weekend sex? Come on, man! Get on that pick list. I’ll even help. With the pick list, that is. The rest is your wife’s job.

Just sayin’.

7-day Boot Camp, Days 3 & 4

Sorry about yesterday, pretty much gave the workouts a pass. Funny, soon after I confessed this to Josh he posted an article on how to fight those dreaded PMS symptoms. The gloves are off. He really reads my food and exercise logs, this blog, and my emails. It’s like having a person actually breathing down my neck. Which is nice. So I got that going for me.

Actually, I still ate well, sticking with the apple-grapefruit-orange-lemon-yogurt-banana smoothie, strawberry fields salad, and a turkey sandwich. I’ll be giving up wine for the next five days, so this should get interesting for everyone. Fortunately the kids won’t be around till Monday so they won’t have to be frightened. And then, we leave on Wednesday for Atlanta to begin the few days of festivities leading up to my little brother’s wedding. (Note to self: notify teachers that kids will miss three days of school, collect homework packets.)

Guy is home sick today (see man cold), so there will be someone to notice if I’m not working my ass off, so the pressure is on. Not too worried, though. I’m beginning to see results already, and the spaghetti strap dress might even need to be taken in a little! Weight not changing much but my shape sure is. Kicking myself for not doing this sooner, it really is gratifying.